| somewhat uncertain/text collage, self portriat |
[20 Sep 2009|12:45pm] |
"Snake Destiny pointed to Tina as God's personal name. By using her name in earnest Vegetable Sacrifice, I felt I could really draw the last bit of smoke from the bong."
The wreckage of the workship was still rolling downhill; he'd been blinded once before and I always used to say, listen to me - butterfly - there's only so much wine you can drink in one life but it will never be enough to save you from the bottom of your glass. Then the tree is on the horizon; everyone is getting very thirsty and very dessicated and it's hard to believe you'll ever be dead. Message bursts from archaic Mars streamed in and he rose suddenly, unsteadily staring out into the fire, oblivious to everything except one terrible thought: last night my window opened in the cold summer breeze and from the dark forest a white dog stared in at me, but I do suppose I'm having trouble with my inner/outer metaphysical appropriations lately. You know so much more than I ever could - you cannot see them or smell them or touch them, but they are all around you. It's the family curse: charming loner, idealist, dark mind, big heart, earthy, resilient, resourceful, unorthodox, overall disappointed in humanity and it's demise. This sounds very simple and straightforward, and it is. But it is not all that simple. In all reality it looks more like a Disney movie every day. You're like me, you know - I am anxious and it soothes me to express myself here, it's like whispering to oneself and listening at the same time. i grew up in a world where you only opened your mouth to insult some body (once, generations ago, embodied, he had breathed an alien air, walked an alien road; until his brain was chosen to undertake the incredible galactic rift). You say you want to know me but, it's dark in the past and my future's a mystery. I feel like I am beginning but I'm too old for more; running together and somehow uncertain. The opiate wore off by night and she began to walk normally. In my fashion, I have loved you. I guess you just prefer suffocating gloom. And now, Some Thoughts on the Subject of Keeping Giant Serpents. "turn up the house glow globes...we need to welcome our visitors!" no life seemed hidden beneath the snow but he cleared his mind, tried again, and produced a full concentration of inner sound. So, I took my choice and I raised the fifth of vodka and drank it straight.Suddenly the bathroom was like the inside of a huge defective woofer. Heinous vibrations, overwhelming sound. That little scarlet waist-coat belongs to Cock Robin! And she ironed it and put it to one side... "you son of a bitch," I said and looked sideways, rugged as a bear and slicker'n a weasel. "Why did you insist on bringing wrath down upon yourself?" well, in all honesty, I don't rightly know these days, sergeant. The house has no windows or doors, we all enter and exit as one. We stand on the threshold to always. forever is ever Undone. Or at least I used to think so. These days I take women to either the boxing matches or to the racetrack; we'll watch the military boats sail off over black waters. He was not exactly a master of romance, that Thomas Titmouse. and I forget now if you know this but at Earth Headquarters, they tied up the clothes in bundles and found out we were all insane in one way or another. They normally took me out for walks somewhere, because a big cat lives not by snoozing while alone; he needs exercise in a psychological as well as a physical way. But in all honesty I'm never quite lonesome when I'm by myself. Look to the sky; when you come around my eyes go blank. And - the proper ending for any story about people it seems to me, since life is now a polymer in which the earth is wrapped so tightly, should be the same abbreviation, which I now write large because I feel like it, which is this one: ETC.
"Here was someone powerful, spaced out, who cared about me, and who was stoned, always sticking to what is high. Truly I had found someone whose authority was deserved."
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[09 Aug 2009|12:17pm] |
o, I am going home again until the eighteenth.  dreaming of thunderstorms and warm nights. |
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| Writer's Block: Wardrobe Malfunction |
[06 May 2009|08:37am] |
The time uncle Mike's wang fell out at the family picnic. I guess that doesn't count because I wasn't there, but it is the most memorable because it's become family lore since. I guess the time AnnMarye's pants broke when she was drunk at the horse show and she stumbled around until they were around her ankles and she knocked the porta-potty over trying to get into it.
I don't think I have any personal experiences of note.
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[20 Apr 2009|11:34pm] |
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Pancake batter and popsicles. Lukewarm dreams and high beams. How's it feel to be floating again? Warm nights make me so nostalgic I live it and feel it and I am so close to home again.
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| Writer's Block: The Kids' Section |
[16 Mar 2009|08:54am] |
The Aristocats, The Mummy, Silence of the Lambs, The Lawnmower Man (series), The Little Mermaid, Antitrust, Princess Mononoke, The Fox and the Hound, The Teenage Mutant Turtles Movie.
I didn't really have much of a filter on what I watched when I was a kid. I still love the Aristocats and the Fox and the Hound. I think it's weird, given that my parents were dead-heads that I wasn't introduced to Alice in Wonderland at a really early age, because that would have probably become and stayed my favorite until I saw Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. The Mummy and The Little Mermaid lost their flavour after a while. For how many times I watched it (over and over until the tape exploded in my VCR) I don't remember much about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie. I only saw Antitrust once and I actually completely forgot about it until now, but I thought it was the best movie ever made for a good five years. Silence of the Lambs, Princess Mononoke, and The Lawnmower Man will always have a special place in my heart.
Currently my favourite movies are Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, Humboldt County, Waking Life, Dawn of the Dead, Ghost World.
A little less conspiracy and Hollywood glitz, a lot more awkward (intellectual) conversation, drug use and violence.
I guess that explains my transition out of childhood pretty well, actually.
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| Writer's Block: Comped |
[07 Mar 2009|06:56pm] |
Once someone told me I was a Hunter S. Thompson monologue in Enid's clothes and Rebecca's body (Ghost World). Noting the bags under my eyes, he asked how long it had been since I had last gotten a good night's sleep. Unfortunately, it was from a thirty-something year-old, recently divorced friend of my parents, so despite how flattering it was, it still slightly resonates with creepiness. I guess, in my fucked up little world, though, that made it even better.
A close second would be the time an ex of mine sang me this in a shopping mall while I sat half in the plant awkwardly eating a taco out of his hands:
"I'm well aware that you are chemically imbalanced
but I'm the kind of guy that likes a challenge
from a crazy kind of girl who lives in her own world
Who is legally insane
I'm not afraid and I'll rise to the occasion
and I'll remind you when it's time for medication
for a mixed up little girl alone in this big world
Who is legally insane
You need someone who's there whether you're lucid or delusional
You need someone to hold your hand if your confused at all
I understand all the problems you got
I'll stay up nights on a suicide watch for you
Fucked up girl.
I'll be with you until we find a good solution
and keep you out of any mental institutions
if you need some special care, I always will be there
'Cause you're legally insane
It takes some patience and a lot of sacrifice
helping a lunatic get through her life
I'll protect you from yourself 'cause you got nobody else
And your legally insane
You need someone who's there when you're losing all you faculties
You need someone who understands all your abnormalities
I understand all the problems you got
I'll stay up nights on a suicide watch for you
Fucked up girl."
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[06 Mar 2009|11:05am] |
"I'll never get to know my dad
Because my dad lives in a dream
And even though I think he's the best
He seems so far from everything
And I'll never get to know my mom
Because my mom is an alcoholic
And I bet when she was young
She never saw it coming
You might wonder why I'm an asshole
I wonder I'm so uptight
I wonder why I just don't chill out
And learn how to have a good time
But sometimes I'm scared right out of my mind
And sometimes I just get angry
Because I've been let down by the people that I love
But I will not let down the people who love me."
Well, that pretty much hit the nail on the head.
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| Writer's Block: More Island Time |
[03 Mar 2009|01:15pm] |
Breakfast of Champions - Kurt Vonnegut
Because it's my favourite book ever written.
Cat's Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut
To help me remember living on a remote desert island isn't that bad.
Like a Velvet Glove Cast in Iron - Daniel Clowes
Neccecary to my being.
Pihkal - Alexander & Ann Shulgin
Long enough to entertain me for a long period of time, complex and interesting.
Mushrooms Demystified - David Arora
Maybe I'll be able to find something tasty or exciting while I'm there.
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| Writer's Block: Words to Live By |
[21 Feb 2009|04:31pm] |
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music |
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Timothy Leary |
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"To end the immoralities that destroy families and breed disease, end the practicers of morality. Six thousand years of breeding, smoking, politicians, policemen, peace organizations -- all have failed."
Be as genuine as possible all the time. Be as right as you can; decipher what is true evil and look down on it. Destroy it when you can and don't give it your attention when it's not necessary. Most people (as mean or backwards as they are) want to be good but don't know how. When you get burned by someone who has decency somewhere in them, do something small and nice in return. Don't accept existence at face value. Dig in the cracks and find true pleasure whenever possible. When faced with innate sadness, don't throw it on people who don't know what to do with it. Do your own dirty work, help others with theirs when they want. Be selfless in the truest of ways as much as possible; be selfish only when you truly need to repair. Take care of strangers, love everything, even if it gets ugly. Constantly challenge and rearrange what you think is real.
Basically, never go to bed the same person you woke up as, and be the best fucking human that you can be,
"Live and let live. Live and let live. They say, every kind of people, black, white, left, right. Just live and let live. The aim of the game is to feel real good."
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[13 Feb 2009|05:09pm] |
I've been spending all my time pretty much exclusively with my dad lately. Got my septum pierced, ran around in the woods in the rain and flew into a pile of mud. Life is good.
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[19 Jan 2009|09:24pm] |
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Oh my god tomorrow/Life is good.
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| Writer's Block: Revolutionary Thought |
[08 Nov 2008|04:10am] |
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People Magazine, air conditioning, hot-dogs, nail-polish, Oprah, gas-powered lawnmowers, dimmer switches, police, 9-5 office jobs, tic-tacs, knickknacks, Xanax...
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[08 Jun 1991|11:57pm] |
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Friends only,
because I like to know who's around.
The less I sleep the happier I am. I've been compared to Daniel Clowes characters and Hunter S. Thompson monologues. I think I'm boring, but you might think I'm wrong. I don't do much of importance, but from what I hear I read too much into the mundane and overlook the interesting parts of my life. I like making myself uncomfortable and riding in the trunks of cars. I'm so far away from where I think I am or thought I was.
If you want, confess your dirty desires to read my life story here.
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