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(White walls surround me) [03 Jul 2008|03:20am]
[ music | Anthrax ]

I had a thrilling visit to the doctor today. I've been sick for two weeks, avidly trying to delay the inevitable, probably pointless, visit. Sure, I am a person who after a week of insisting my throat didn't hurt that bad but it was possible I might have a minor ear infection found out I had tonsillitis. Yes, I am a person who after getting all my weight catapulted onto my elbow at a pretty hefty speed on a skateboard, carried said board to school with that arm and spent five hours insisting to at least fifty different people it wasn't broken until realising I had completely cracked the shit out of it in three places. Of course, we remember when a 200 pound kid landed on my head from half a story above and I subsequentially yelled "I do not have a fucking concussion," (completely slurred into itself and barely distinguishable as a sentence) and tried to punch Kate in the face, missed, did a 180 and went face into a bathroom stall door. Sure, I've gotten a terrible reputation at being able to judge my own physical condition (does anyone wanna hang around me for life and tell me when I really need to go to the hospital? 'Cause I really am an idiot about this shit most of the time) this time I know it is not a big deal. Okay, you can see my lymph nodes from a block away. Cool. I don't have AIDS, I don't have cancer, I don't have mono. I mean, sure, I don't know that for a fact, but I would be a lot more worse-off if it was, right? Right.

But, of course, at the recommendation of about seven people, I finally caved and let my dad set a doctor's appointment. My doctor's okay, but the thermostat in her office is busted and after about five minutes nothing I said was making sense and it took me forever to actually get a point across 'cause I already had a fever of about 102 and I started hallucinating. After I finally explained half the shit that was going on and gave up on the rest she started talking about chest x-rays and blood tests and sent me on my merry way to the Oakland Kaiser Permanente hospital maze two blocks away.

The radiology room was easy to find, but formidable. It was freezing and dark, there was one magazine and it was a copy of "Mother Jones"; Nirvana was playing quietly. There were two other people in there and they both looked like they were on their death bed. A lady about the shape an colour of a plum screeched my name awkwardly and my trendy hospital wristband kept moving up and down my arm when I walked. Plum lady threw a hospital gown ad my face and just said "Clothes off, this on" and pointed to a sterile public-pool style changing booth - like row of public bathroom stalls without toilets. Despite knowing, deep in the back of my mind all of this was in vain, the dark chill of the room and the guy in the lab coat's grim look at my disheveled, haggard presence and quiet "I am trying so hard to console you" voice as he told me to put my arms around the formidable-looking metal plate in front of me like I was giving it "a big hug" sent a really weird chill down the back of my lumpy neck. This was incredibly hard to shake for some reason. It's like when you have the most hilarious assortment of illegal items in your bag and you walk past a group of five bored-looking police officers. You know you're doing nothing wrong, but, well, fuck, it's scary anyway through some weird procession of human logic. Anyway, after that weird encounter with becoming super aware of my mortality, I got lost. I was wandering up and down the stairs of this place for about ten minutes, looking at the directory and getting confused and roaming until I realised the lab is literally right across the hallway from the radiology room.

This was essentially the polar opposite of the radiology room. It was fast-paced and colourful. There was a giant sign that said "take a number!" next to one of those ticket dispensers you find at a grocery store deli. The receptionist called numbers like an auctioneer; I clutched my little pink B45 in avid anticipation, knowing I wouldn't let her quick yelps get the best of me. I was mostly right. It was only an event of mild confusion, seeing as she had called three numbers in rapid succession without stopping as I was taking the four steps it took for me to get to the desk. I watched people walk up to the desk ranting about stool samples, and there was some nurse really overzealously talking to a two-year old about Fig Newtons. There was a retired lady next to me who apparently just comes by to sit there and watch people all the time and made weird witty commentary to no one next to me. I got called in to a small desk-area with a little Asian woman wearing safety goggles. Before I knew what was happening I had a rubber band tied around my arm and a needle shoved into some arbitrary vein. Everything turned white. I feel like I probably fainted, because I was propped up well enough for no one to notice and when I turned back around I was really dizzy and somehow in what I perceived to be roughly a second and a half, there were five test-tubes of my blood filled on the desk, with one half full that she was jiggling madly to try and milk the last drops that would come out of me into that goddamn tube.

I almost fell over when I walked out and don't really remember much until I ate. The rest of my day was kindof loopy and floppy. Robby, Grant, Forest and I all got to see the unpleasant display of Ethan half-feeding a dying snail to my landlord's dog Lucy. It was, however, a textbook example of human nature's interaction with animals.

The x-rays already came back clean; still waiting for the blood work.

Looks like this time I might have actually been right.


Cut for gross indulgence in stupid survey. )

Electrocute.

(And the concrete strip below seems less like a noose.) [27 Jun 2008|12:36pm]
[ music | Defiance, Ohio ]



Finally!!
1 spark ! Electrocute.

[24 Jun 2008|12:27am]
There are few times I am this glad to be in my own bed.
Electrocute.

[20 Jun 2008|02:40am]
I'm done with Parliaments, I have found the light of the lord and that is Lucky Strike. I still miss my cigarettes - I feel like a security blanket has been torn from my trembling hands by a bored,evil corporation faced with economic and legal adversity. I feel like I am too emotionally invested in my cigarettes. Oops.

No more sweaters for me!
Electrocute.

(Hey, I'm starting to feel okay) [10 Jun 2008|10:36am]
[ music | The Moldy Peaches ]

Summer is slipping into my veins already.

Friday night I bonded with my cat who was tripped out on catnip. I played him Mothers of Invention songs and asked him questions about life. I pet him and he curled up in my lap looking at the clouds and stars intermittently. He is the best cat ever.

Saturday was the best birthday gathering I've ever hosted. Everyone was calm and happy, nothing was broken, no vomit was made, no one cried, no one fought, and the age old problem of my mother standing in the room with a stony glare on her face at all times was remedied by the fact that she is on the other side of the country. At the end I was hosing down a fire pit with my favorites and watching one of them take more joy in leftover Risotto than a five-year old would find in being handed the deed to their own amusement park and lying on my floor with the other talking about the depths of our obscure beliefs in human nature and everything else until five in the morning.

Sunday was the most relaxed birthday I've ever had. There was no rigid schedule, there were no angry glares, there were no pressured phone calls and shitfacewasted drivers. We ate at a vegan Japanese restaurant.

The air even has the same summery smell.

Electrocute.

[28 May 2008|10:48pm]
So, I think by now we all know that the cigarettes I smoke have been discontinued. Maybe some of us know that I spent months scouring every smokeshop and gas station in the bay area clearing out every last pack of Camel Filters (yes, I know they still exist, but it's not Turkish tobacco anymore and they burn weird and they just suck, okay? Okay).

As a result, I have started smoking Parliaments. Fixed gear bikes and sweaters already seem more appealing to me.

Please kill me if I consider getting a swallow tattoo.

At least they're not lights.
7 sparks ! Electrocute.

[21 May 2008|09:47am]
Man, I really want tacos.
Electrocute.

(I give props to myself for achieving anything - Goddamn I'm glad I survived) [18 May 2008|07:58pm]
[ music | Andrew Jackson Jihad ]

All I need are some plastic instruments and lyrical inspirations.



I'm out of the awkward phase of realising that I don't live in Pennsylvania. There's no more crystal psychosis and lavish seas of hate in my brain. I'm playing and playing and playing my guitar and breathing slower and slower. I'm not too concerned with how this dissipated, the longer days and lesser rains or reinstated mental vents, but giant layers of dead energy are peeling away.

I'm finally starting to legitimately acclimate myself to the people here (that being said, I'm still gonna shit myself when Cam comes out in July).

There are no notable problems with anything. Only excellency, lavish puzzles and some minor nuisances.
1 spark ! Electrocute.

[27 Apr 2008|05:54pm]
There are few words that can describe the certain degree of excellency my life has attained in the past week. Seriously.
Electrocute.

(Is New York City really like a graveyard?) [13 Apr 2008|11:44pm]
[ music | Kimya Dawson ]





Decrepit happenings aside, the weekend left me with some decent pictures.
1 spark ! Electrocute.

[05 Apr 2008|12:03am]
I have certainly had one of the most obscure months of my life.

I would try to detail every oddball experience I've had, but it's too much.
Electrocute.

[12 Feb 2008|11:30pm]
I showed up for the protest at 8AM. I got hit in the kneecaps and tits with a nightstick and came close to losing my voice. They threw one of my friends out of the way and I heard her scream so I turned around yelling "What the fuck?!" and I got hit in the throat, pulled back in a choke hold, hit three times in the ribcage with a night stick and then thrown to the ground. I didn't leave until I stood up in front of city council and gave my minute's worth of mind. That was at 11PM.

The fervor was shortlived, though.

World can't wait keeps calling me and inviting me to communist lunches.

Unfortunately, I'm not a communist.
1 spark ! Electrocute.

[11 Feb 2008|09:31pm]
And with the rise in temperature comes my re-discovery of the magic of being alive, right on cue.
Electrocute.

[25 Jan 2008|12:01am]
"I got static in my head, the reflected sound of everything. Tried to go to where it led, but it didn't lead to anything. The noise is coming out, and if it's not out now, I know it's just about to drown tomorrow out."
Electrocute.

[14 Jan 2008|06:37pm]
I was blindfolded for two hours today. It was revolutoionary.
Electrocute.

[03 Jan 2008|06:44pm]
Peppermint Schnopps is one of the worst inventions ever.
Electrocute.

And the Christians gave me comic books as if I would be scared. [02 Jan 2008|04:18pm]
[ music | Kimya Dawson ]

Manual chemistry alterations are going mind-blowingly well. I'm thinking of making tomorrow the beginning of phase two.

Electrocute.

[21 Dec 2007|12:00pm]
The flattened perception is gone. Colours are bright and no matter how twisted up I keep getting about it, you can still make me flutter like nothing else over a couple words.
Electrocute.

(I'm really sorry Stephen, but your bicycle's been stolen.) [18 Dec 2007|11:09pm]
[ music | The Decemberists ]



I want little more than to find the fuckass that took bike, take the clipped bike lock (so courteously left by the bike rack that once held bike), string it through him or her, cover him or her in colourful papier mache until he or she resembles a vague technicolour animal, hang him or her from a street lamp and give every man, woman and child in the bay area a bat, telling them to beat the fucker until the candy comes out.

I miss you bike. I loved you more than most people.

2 sparks ! Electrocute.

[15 Dec 2007|12:46am]
I have vague recollections of a leafy cave and all I can taste is pepper. Tonight was a good night. Tonight was a good night.
Electrocute.

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